I always wonder what I will be like as a mother. Every time I capture beautiful mommas with their little babes, I wonder. A small secret about me, I am terrified of motherhood. I'm terrified of pregnancy, of birth, and I'm also terrified of what comes after. Will I be able to bond with my child? Will I suffer from PPD? When I was born, I was born at 27 weeks. My mother had to have an emergency c-section to save our lives. Because I was born so early, I had a lot of complications, and had to undergo abdominal surgery days after birth. I now carry on my body three massive scars that stretch across my stomach. I have this crazy irrational fear that as my stomach grows, my scars will stretch and eventually burst open. So crazy, but it's always something that has been in the back of my mind. Summer of 2021, I had to have one of the scars reopened to repair an intestinal blockage, and the fear of childbirth deepened. Recovery was horrific. I could barely walk, I had to sleep on the couch for a month because our bed was too high for me to climb into, and I ended up developing a secondary infection that I had to get two rounds of antibiotics for. Even now, 8 months later, every once in a while I will still feel a twinge of pain where my scar is. I can't even imagine how painful recovery from a c section would be while trying to take care of a newborn baby. C-section mommas? You are QUEENS. Absolute queens.
Even though that fear is ever present, it seems to melt away when I take photos of mothers. Whether you are here on your babymoon, or I'm capturing memories of you and your sweet babe, I love photographing mothers. I love the connection, the raw and realness of it, and the knowledge that I am capturing memories that family members will cherish for the rest of their lives. Every time I get an inquiry for a maternity session my heart leaps with joy. There is just something so magical about a mother carrying her first child (or her second or her third!), and I get to capture that? Are you KIDDING ME?! Amazing. Mothers, you are magic. You are warriors, you are strong, you are beautiful. It is my privilege to photograph you.